Life, Lust, and Silly Puns

Ok, so I had given up on 2.0's drivetrain. It techically had 15 gears, but the rear derailleur sucked many objects, so I only used the smallest cog in the cassette. This only left the middle and big ring in the cranks, cuz I'm sure as hell not gonna ride the "granny gear" (smallest ring). I figured replacing this rusty piece of crap drivetrain with an singlespeed setup would be awesome, so that's what I did.

Over the weekend I went to Performance to pick up a singlespeed conversion kit, as well as a singlespeed chain. Oh and a helmet (cuz that got fucking jacked too. come on, seriously?) and also chain lube+degreaser (buy 2 get 1 free) cuz I was running out and bar grips cuz the the old ones were bad shit and why the hell not. So then Sunday night I started on Red Bike, figuring I could get this shit done in time to ride on Monday.

Boom, obstacle #1. I didn't have the right tools. Lol! I knew a chain whip was necessary(ish) to remove the cassette, but I figured "meh i'll work around it". Turns out I need a special bolt-ish-thing to remove the cassette. Fine, I'll buy it on Monday.

Monday comes around and I realize CBS and Evo are closed on Mondays. Off to Calabazas (freakin' San Jose, dude). So I get there and I pick up the tool. It's 4 pm. I get back and I try to remove the cassette. It unscrews about an eighth of a turn off, but then stops. What the fuck. I spend the next freaking hour trying to get it off. Liquid Wrench, large metal pipes, vices, oversized monkey wrenches, nothing would work. fuckin' rage. So I take it back to Calabazas. It's just after 5 pm. The guy looks at it, spins the cassette for a bit, and it comes off. WHAT THE FUCK. I'm dumbfounded, and he laughs. "You already did all the hard work." Well that's just great, because here comes

Obstacle #2 (a real pain in the ass). Turns out, the cassette and freewheel aren't separate. In modern bikes they are, and that's what the singlespeed conversion kit was relying on, but the Red Bike had to be all old n shit (or just really cheap). So now I've got this cassette/freewheel monstrosity in my hand and I'm wondering what the fuck do I do cuz now my conversion kit is useless. "Well we can put on a singlespeed freewheel." Yeah, I guess that's step 1. Unfortunately, here comes

Obstacle #3 (a real pain in the ass to type out, so enjoy summarized stuff) A singlespeed freewheel takes way less space than a cassette (cuz it only has 1 gear). This means it's placed all the way to the "left" (just accept it). However, the big ring I wanna use it all the way to the "right". Unfortunately, singlespeed chains demand as straight a chainline as possible, so this right n left shit isn't gonna work out. Using a ring on the crank that was to the "left" would give me a straight chainline, but I would be pedaling with a gear ratio around 1-3. Not cool. Rob the mechanic (a real cool guy) said to come back tomorrow (Tuesday) and figure out some options. Okey.

Tuesday rolls around. It's 4:30pm and I wheel in my Red Bike. It has no chain on it. The chain is in a box, and that box is in my left hand. So Rob and I have a chat (and this other mechanic too. he was also a real cool guy, but i didnt catch his name.) and basically, the solution was to run as small of a rear cog as possible (15 teeth) and use a spider crank to move a 39 tooth ring as "left" as possible. This would preserve gear ratio and a straight chainline. The only concern was whether or not the 39 tooth ring would scrape against the frame.

So I pay for all the parts (total cost comes later) and I come home. It's 6pm. Sun sets in 2 hours and I'd rather work in the light. I postpone my dinner and get cracking on the bike. I remove the cranks, and it's dirty as hell. Liquid Wrench is pretty useful. I take off the old triple ring. I fit in the new parts, regrease the hub, put it all together. I check alignment, put in the new chain (the 39 tooth ring scrapes a little, but it'll rub itself off) and tighten everything. Lube the chain, clean up tools.

Red Bike 3.0 is complete! :D It's 7:45pm. I ride 3.0 around for a bit. The handlebar setup looks so clean without the stupid friction shifters (I think the wider grips had something to do with it too), not to mention there are two fewer cables running out of the handlebar area. Man, this bike is awesome.

Total cost of the 3.0 upgrade? Nearly $100. 15 chain, 25 freewheel, 50 crank, 9 grips. Wow. I don't know how much I've spent total on the Red Bike getting it from a rusty piece of mart bike shit to this awesome singlespeed machine. Considering the Red Bike only cost $40, I think I may have spent a little bit too much money upgrading it, but whatever. I enjoy working on bikes, and Red Bike 3.0 is no exception.